From The Real Question Remains

I am here now.

This is by itself evidence of my genuine recognition of my real need. But, since I am here now, I cannot help asking myself about the nature of my interest: where does my interest go? How far does it go? What does it embrace? How long does it last? These questions will follow me all day, and, if I try to observe myself, what I shall see is my incapacity to have an intention, and the fragility of the attention that I return to. Whatever I am confronted with will bring about the evidence of how weak, how fleeting, how insignificant is my interest.

I have got to realize that in many parts of myself I am not really concerned. I do not really care for a sense of presence to myself, and whatever idea I try, I see that I am not even informed in most parts of myself of this need of mine. So at times I try a little bit to open myself to try and see the necessity for opening myself to itI myself, by my own experience: why this lack of information? —and to suffer the fact that I am not aware of my real need. This already brings me back to the realization that my attention is very limited. My feeling of this fantastic power of attention is very poor.

Attention is the most tremendous power in the world. And it is very ambiguous: for my attention is the key to both consciousness and to identification. So I have to watch and see, to be sure for myself in which direction I am spending the interest in whatever I see in relation to myself. Attention creates the power of relation. I relate myself to the world, to others, to the work, and to my manifestations, through attention. I relate myself to myself through my attention.

We are here to try to make acquaintance with this power and to try to know it better and to relate to it in as many aspects as possible. My first move is to relate myself to where I am to try and see where I am; to relate to the experience of my body.

Am I able to perceive the presence of such a power of attention as far as my body is concerned?

Today maybe we try to put our effort into this: to try not to guess, but to actually experience how much of myself is engaged in this relation—to  be concerned and engaged in realizing my own presence in my body and follow what happens there: what increases, what is evoked?

– From The Real Question Remains, Gurdjieff: A Living Call by Henri Tracol

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